Don’t you love thinking about your past mistakes? All the cringe, faux pas, and missed opportunities. Nothing better than a tall glass of self hatred in the morning, afternoon, evening, night, or pretty much whenever you find yourself without a task to complete or a device to stare at. Well, I don’t. But of course I have no say in the matter.
While I was falling down the existential void, guided by the clarity blessed upon me by prescription amphetamines, I came to a couple of realizations about life. I will only talk about one of them this time because it has been almost 12 hours since my last dose and I will soon have to relinquish the abilities of focus and drive.
Even though there is no such thing as “original thought”, this thought I had felt pretty original to me so I will continue to stroke my ego in the silence between you, me, and our screens. The thought was about fate.
We all have regrets and we all now, conveniently, know what we should have said or done in these situations that will follow us, unresolved, to the grave. Though we can never get those moments back, we replay it in our heads to torture ourselves. In the same vein, we all have goals and dreams that we want to accomplish but have a fog of doubt of whether or not we can. These things loom over us because we have this vague feeling that we can control these things. When you feel regret, it’s because you feel as if things could’ve gone a different way. The doubts you feel about your goals are the subtle whispers of fate reminding you that no matter what you do, it is never all up to you.
Fate reveals itself in hindsight. It’s only when looking back you realize things couldn’t have gone any other way. All the scenarios you made up for how the past “could have gone” are all delusions. Everything that has happened was fated to happen. Everything that will happen is fated to happen, but conveniently you cannot predict fate. The goals you have could manifest themselves but you also might die before it does, lose the opportunity because you ordered a Big Mac meal instead of some chicken nuggets, or quit too soon.
What I am trying to say, with my limited intelligence and writing abilities, is that life is so fickle and malleable that we will never be able to control it. I can cause you to lose your job because I called your boss fat on her “body positivity” instagram post, and of course you decided to hit the gym hard for a whole year now and your banging new bod eclipses all of those in your office space. Naturally, your boss just found out that budget cuts had to be made and you have to clear your cubicle by lunch.
All jokes aside, fate is the development of events beyond a person’s control. In the present moment, we can never truly know how things will develop or hurt us in the future and if we did there would be no such thing as regrets. That bitter argument with your parent can turn into a lifetime of pain when fate reveals that that’s the last time you’ll ever see them again. Failing out of school on a Friday in March will put you on the path to being a billionaire in 25 years, but if it was on a Thursday, you would have ended up dying in a sewer 3 years from now covered in your own feces. No matter what we say or do, it is never up to us how things unfold. There is no such thing as karma or rewards for being good. This isn’t to discourage you but hopefully give you a little peace. The only thing you can do is your best. Whatever happens, happens.
Obsidian God 